Process

“There isn’t a path; but there is a way”- John Eldridge

It isn’t the spiritual tight-rope journey that Jesus has called us to. That was the way of the Pharisees. However there is a direction, a way, that God is pulling us in. The cosmic “pointing arrow” in which we are always somehow drawing closer to the Father and maturing in our spirits. Always.

God is a God of process. He is in it for the long haul. When He made the oak tree, He started with an acorn. When He wanted a leader, He let Moses practice on literal sheep for decades. When the flood wiped out civilization, He decided to repopulate the world with a handful of people, and a nine month gestation period at a time… then fifteen years of growing up… then we can continue the cycle…

He loves process.

Here’s the problem: Americans love product. When we need to pay for a meal we whip out the visa card, which happens to be attached to an account that we filled up with “direct deposit”. When grandma needs someone to visit, we struggle over the effort because it would mean fifteen minutes of driving to get to her house… fifteen minutes! When we need to tell someone about the new truck that we bought, we send out fifteen instant text messages in a minute and a half flat. A senior pastor might hire a twenty-two year old youth pastor because of his four year degree instead of bringing on the dad of four who has eighteen years of youth experience. Our idea of “trained professional” is someone who went to school for a handful of years.

Some of us are even guilty of eating “instant” cup of noodles.

Efficiency is our game; if it looks like there’s an investment of time in something, our commitment issues start flying to the surface.

But… He loves process.

I am guilty of having a very low value for time oriented growth. I have found myself of being the one who keeps telling God that as soon as I have the most amazing passion for praying, I’ll start to intercede more. Or as soon as He releases the Holy Spirit to open up the Heavens and descend upon me (in plain sight of everyone of course) then I’ll really lay down my life for Him. In fact… as soon as He tells me that from this moment on every person that I pray for will be healed, I will start praying for the sick and dying around me.

So we live our lives in the land of “as soon as”; and we never get around to the next step towards Him.

Sometimes we struggle with guilt over how little of His word we actually have a grasp on, or we are so sorrowed that we cant live up to Jesus’ perfection…

When we dwell on Jesus as a perfect man who was empowered by the Holy Spirit and who was fed off of every word that proceeded from the Father’s mouth, there are two mindsets that are revealed.
1. I can never get it all right, I struggle with hearing the Father’s voice, the power of the Spirit rarely seems to manifest in my life.
2. What an amazing example He showed us! I might not be there yet, but tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to see more Holy Spirit, and Hear more of the Father’s words. Watch out world… because He has gone before me!

He has provided a way, not a tight rope path, but a direction. Holy Spirit loves to take us there. He just knows it will take time. So it’s time… to agree with Him, and to learn to love process.

I desire to be a man after God’s heart; and I desire to be a different man in six months than I am now. I want it to be said of me that I am a masterful learner, and a teachable man. There is a posture that I will take on for the rest of my life; and it will allow me to learn from every day, every person, every breath, every flower, every art piece, and every word out of the mouth of God.

Tomorrow, I wont be Jesus.
In a week, I’ll be closer.
In a month, I’ll be different.
In a year, I’ll be new,
In a decade, I’ll be so much further.
And in a lifetime, I’ll be a novice; not by the worlds standards, but by choice.
Always teachable, always learning.
And all of Heaven and Hell will know my name.

“There isn’t a path; but there is a way.” John Eldridge

I am crying.

Let me issue a warning to those who have stumbled across this post: I intend to write from the deepest core of my person. These thoughts proceed out of the most spiritual, authentic, emotional, intellectual, and soulful parts of me.

Here is my soul's cry -cry being a word intended to evoke the thought of tears and screams, passion and love- to know Him.

Him who is above all, in all, and through all. Him who holds the universe; yet whispers to my most hidden depths. Him who knows everything about me, yet longs to know me.

Know. The Hebrew word for yada. It is intimacy and connection, it is spiritual and sexual, it is external and internal, it is the best word that the Hebrew language can come up with for the connection between a man and a woman who are deeply in love. Children are born out of yada... but we wont follow that rabbit trail for now.

I long to sing to Him and to talk with Him. I want to see every part of Him and to touch each piece of Him. I desire to be invaded by Him and to shine of Him. I feel like dancing for Him and dancing with Him.

He makes me more me than I have ever known. He is my creator, lover, and leader. My king.

He is eternal and He is beginning. He knows no beginning, for He Himself IS beginning. He will never cease.

I want Him. He IS MY DESIRE.

That is my souls deepest cry; and the more I enter into that cry, the closer I am brought to Him, the more I am aware of my

ABSOLUTE HUNGER

for this man named Jesus-the bread of life and the light of men.

Spirit-the power at work in the natural realm.

Father-the one who is in all, above all, and through all.

He is all I want. I will die if I dont have more of Him.

I feel like dying if I cannot know Him more.

Looking in all the Wrong Places

Oh the search for Yaweh
How we ought know
That all our looking
Is but ignoring our soul

We search the stars
And ill scour the seas
But Ill not find Him there
If I've not found Christ in me

He is here 
Only inches deep
Within the hardest 
Shell I've seen

To dismantle the old
Is a task among tasks
Naught but complete surrender
Is what my Lord asks

Take it all King of Glory
Strip flesh bare to bone
If that's what it will take
To finally be at home.

Let my own skin be home,
In it may your love be shown. 

True Disciple

Fear me Satan
For all is well
Though I be not giant
I throw back hell

Know that I seek
And always I find
The purpose of Him
Who limits your time

You see I have found
The key to your defeat
It's the audible sound
Of your enemy

His name is my power
And I am endowed
We will cast you lower
So be not too proud

You see
I am small in faith
But this I know
I have found a path
On which always I grow

He is a hider
So I'll be a seeker
He conceals for me
What makes you weaker

It may be your time 
a little while yet your turn
But fear me Satan 
for I have learned 
To learn

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Hope.

That's her name.

She is my new friend, and she is amazing. Gorgeous really.



She is a 1981 Honda Twinstar.

That's right, 200cc of raw power... Aproximently 25% larger engine than my scooter...

"I get seventy miles to the gallon on this hog" but I didn't "trade(d) it straight up for the van"...

Let's go riding together.

Praise Papa por Pancakes

Pancake breakfasts. One to enjoy every week, on Tuesday morning, at the top of a mountain.

I just got down the hill from Hume Lakes infamous "pancake breakfast". It is held at inspiration point (6000ft up on a mountain top), overlooking a very Yosemite-like valley.


Granite peaks, sequoia trees, mountain bees, and dining-hall free.

Now that's the abundant life Jesus was talking about.

In this Christian life... I feel like I'm cheating... I mean... how can you NOT find God in a moment like that?

There is something to the simplicity of paper plates, Krusties flour, a little bit o' water, and a world class, in-the-dirt, mountaintop experience. The first taste of a raspberry syrup covered pancake entered my mouth, and I thought to myself "Jesus do like pancakes?". The second bite changed my perspective: "Jesus! You like pancakes. Thanks a million!"

My hands now smell like coffee, hand sanitizer, pine, and dirt all in one.

Praise Papa por Pancakes.

Sunshine

This is a letter I wrote to my wife this morning; and while praying I felt like God wanted me to share. So after reluctantly fighting against the post:

Sunshine,
To me you are like the breaking of the morning,
the cracking of the dawn,
like the light invades the darkness,
So you bring clarity,
So you bring purity,
So you bring love.

Shalom.

May our covenant be as it should be,
Pure in the sight of God,
May his peace be the strength of our feet,
The weapon we fashion against darkness,

Oh, that He will find righteousness in us!

May the mercy and worship of David permeate our lives,
May the wisdom of Solomon lead our actions,
May the faithfullness of Paul be granted us,
May the victory of Christ set our context.

Grace.

May it abound more in us.

Hope.

Let it be our constant friend.

Love.

Love shall guide us home, each day, to each other,
to the father, to the ends of the earth.

Love.

Kendall Dean