Community Musings

Onward and Upward

2010-05-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hey all, thanks for reading; I like you.

I'm moving on to try my hand at writing with more excellence at kendallbachman.wordpress.com

My hope is to no longer just write out of my impulse, but to write, edit, write, edit, and repeat.

Deal.

Fall on me

2010-01-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

Lord fall on me,
Lord fall on me...
Let your presence like a cloud,
come and fill this house...

Here I am,
Designed for love,
All I want is you,
And I can never get enough...
All that I am,
All that can be,
I place before you,
Here Im sitting at your feet!
Im sitting at your feet!
So come,
and teach.

Teach me your language,
whisper your life,
show me your heart,
So the bride may be your wife...

All I ask is for more of you,
All I give is all I can.

Lord come.

Crossroads

2010-01-05T19:33:00.000-08:00

I approach a crossroads in my life; and it's doorway seems unavoidable.

As I step outside myself and look at my life, in a seemingly third-person perspective, I cannot help but notice that I must soon decide.

In the one hand I have the option of living a great and fantastic life.
In the other hand I have the opportunity to live a life full of God and surpassing this simple "great".

I'm not going to lie, there isnt a bad option.

but,

Hear my heart. I want to walk where very few have walked. I want to live hand-in-hand with the Almighty. I want His Presence to be my greatest concern. I want His breath and heartbeat to beat to the same rhythm as my own.

This entails radical obedience and extreme risk.

Yet it is the safest place I can possibly live.

If I want to live a simply "fantastic and great" life I might become a teacher. Or I might become a pastor. I might have an occupation and a family. I would see The Lord move among people, and I would draw closer to Him. I might have a car and a payment, and I might clock in or punch in for forty hours a week. Wife, kids, love, house, dog, the whole shibang.

All of those are great things that I love.

However,

This life of absolute yielded-ness is shrowded in mystery. I dont feel like there are obvious examples or paths to use as a directional map. I think it is an extremely rare life.

now- lets hear me right- Im not talking about your life, Im talking about mine. So before you get all up in arms about how "Kendall doesnt think Im following God"... thats not what Im talking about.

I am desiring 100% obedience; and I have no single idea of what that looks like. Maybe it doesnt change much on the outside... I dont know... I just know that there is more of God and I must uncover it. I must see His face more.

end.

2009-2010

2010-01-01T03:51:00.000-08:00

The minutes have ushered in a new year; and a new season.

Two thousand ten will be a year for love. Families will bond together and friends will come closer.
Two thousand ten will be about the One Thing.

Him.

We seek first the kingdom of God. We search out it's depths; we ask for greater measure of power and presence.

Lord... Father... Friend... come and walk with me. Reveal your face. Speak your words of life.

Please,

Lead.

Lead me into your kingdom's fullness.

May your kingdom come, may your will be done, here, now, let my life look like heaven.

Process

2009-11-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

“There isn’t a path; but there is a way”- John Eldridge

It isn’t the spiritual tight-rope journey that Jesus has called us to. That was the way of the Pharisees. However there is a direction, a way, that God is pulling us in. The cosmic “pointing arrow” in which we are always somehow drawing closer to the Father and maturing in our spirits. Always.

God is a God of process. He is in it for the long haul. When He made the oak tree, He started with an acorn. When He wanted a leader, He let Moses practice on literal sheep for decades. When the flood wiped out civilization, He decided to repopulate the world with a handful of people, and a nine month gestation period at a time… then fifteen years of growing up… then we can continue the cycle…

He loves process.

Here’s the problem: Americans love product. When we need to pay for a meal we whip out the visa card, which happens to be attached to an account that we filled up with “direct deposit”. When grandma needs someone to visit, we struggle over the effort because it would mean fifteen minutes of driving to get to her house… fifteen minutes! When we need to tell someone about the new truck that we bought, we send out fifteen instant text messages in a minute and a half flat. A senior pastor might hire a twenty-two year old youth pastor because of his four year degree instead of bringing on the dad of four who has eighteen years of youth experience. Our idea of “trained professional” is someone who went to school for a handful of years.

Some of us are even guilty of eating “instant” cup of noodles.

Efficiency is our game; if it looks like there’s an investment of time in something, our commitment issues start flying to the surface.

But… He loves process.

I am guilty of having a very low value for time oriented growth. I have found myself of being the one who keeps telling God that as soon as I have the most amazing passion for praying, I’ll start to intercede more. Or as soon as He releases the Holy Spirit to open up the Heavens and descend upon me (in plain sight of everyone of course) then I’ll really lay down my life for Him. In fact… as soon as He tells me that from this moment on every person that I pray for will be healed, I will start praying for the sick and dying around me.

So we live our lives in the land of “as soon as”; and we never get around to the next step towards Him.

Sometimes we struggle with guilt over how little of His word we actually have a grasp on, or we are so sorrowed that we cant live up to Jesus’ perfection…

When we dwell on Jesus as a perfect man who was empowered by the Holy Spirit and who was fed off of every word that proceeded from the Father’s mouth, there are two mindsets that are revealed.
1. I can never get it all right, I struggle with hearing the Father’s voice, the power of the Spirit rarely seems to manifest in my life.
2. What an amazing example He showed us! I might not be there yet, but tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to see more Holy Spirit, and Hear more of the Father’s words. Watch out world… because He has gone before me!

He has provided a way, not a tight rope path, but a direction. Holy Spirit loves to take us there. He just knows it will take time. So it’s time… to agree with Him, and to learn to love process.

I desire to be a man after God’s heart; and I desire to be a different man in six months than I am now. I want it to be said of me that I am a masterful learner, and a teachable man. There is a posture that I will take on for the rest of my life; and it will allow me to learn from every day, every person, every breath, every flower, every art piece, and every word out of the mouth of God.

Tomorrow, I wont be Jesus.
In a week, I’ll be closer.
In a month, I’ll be different.
In a year, I’ll be new,
In a decade, I’ll be so much further.
And in a lifetime, I’ll be a novice; not by the worlds standards, but by choice.
Always teachable, always learning.
And all of Heaven and Hell will know my name.

“There isn’t a path; but there is a way.” John Eldridge

I am crying.

2009-10-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

Let me issue a warning to those who have stumbled across this post: I intend to write from the deepest core of my person. These thoughts proceed out of the most spiritual, authentic, emotional, intellectual, and soulful parts of me.

Here is my soul's cry -cry being a word intended to evoke the thought of tears and screams, passion and love- to know Him.

Him who is above all, in all, and through all. Him who holds the universe; yet whispers to my most hidden depths. Him who knows everything about me, yet longs to know me.

Know. The Hebrew word for yada. It is intimacy and connection, it is spiritual and sexual, it is external and internal, it is the best word that the Hebrew language can come up with for the connection between a man and a woman who are deeply in love. Children are born out of yada... but we wont follow that rabbit trail for now.

I long to sing to Him and to talk with Him. I want to see every part of Him and to touch each piece of Him. I desire to be invaded by Him and to shine of Him. I feel like dancing for Him and dancing with Him.

He makes me more me than I have ever known. He is my creator, lover, and leader. My king.

He is eternal and He is beginning. He knows no beginning, for He Himself IS beginning. He will never cease.

I want Him. He IS MY DESIRE.

That is my souls deepest cry; and the more I enter into that cry, the closer I am brought to Him, the more I am aware of my

ABSOLUTE HUNGER

for this man named Jesus-the bread of life and the light of men.

Spirit-the power at work in the natural realm.

Father-the one who is in all, above all, and through all.

He is all I want. I will die if I dont have more of Him.

I feel like dying if I cannot know Him more.

Looking in all the Wrong Places

2009-08-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

Oh the search for Yaweh
How we ought know
That all our looking
Is but ignoring our soul

We search the stars
And ill scour the seas
But Ill not find Him there
If I've not found Christ in me

He is here
Only inches deep
Within the hardest
Shell I've seen

To dismantle the old
Is a task among tasks
Naught but complete surrender
Is what my Lord asks

Take it all King of Glory
Strip flesh bare to bone
If that's what it will take
To finally be at home.

Let my own skin be home,
In it may your love be shown.

True Disciple

2009-08-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

Fear me Satan
For all is well
Though I be not giant
I throw back hell

Know that I seek
And always I find
The purpose of Him
Who limits your time

You see I have found
The key to your defeat
It's the audible sound
Of your enemy

His name is my power
And I am endowed
We will cast you lower
So be not too proud

You see
I am small in faith
But this I know
I have found a path
On which always I grow

He is a hider
So I'll be a seeker
He conceals for me
What makes you weaker

It may be your time
a little while yet your turn
But fear me Satan
for I have learned
To learn

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

2009-07-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

Hope.

That's her name.

She is my new friend, and she is amazing. Gorgeous really.

She is a 1981 Honda Twinstar.

That's right, 200cc of raw power... Aproximently 25% larger engine than my scooter...

"I get seventy miles to the gallon on this hog" but I didn't "trade(d) it straight up for the van"...

Let's go riding together.

Praise Papa por Pancakes

2009-07-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

Pancake breakfasts. One to enjoy every week, on Tuesday morning, at the top of a mountain.

I just got down the hill from Hume Lakes infamous "pancake breakfast". It is held at inspiration point (6000ft up on a mountain top), overlooking a very Yosemite-like valley.

Granite peaks, sequoia trees, mountain bees, and dining-hall free.

Now that's the abundant life Jesus was talking about.

In this Christian life... I feel like I'm cheating... I mean... how can you NOT find God in a moment like that?

There is something to the simplicity of paper plates, Krusties flour, a little bit o' water, and a world class, in-the-dirt, mountaintop experience. The first taste of a raspberry syrup covered pancake entered my mouth, and I thought to myself "Jesus do like pancakes?". The second bite changed my perspective: "Jesus! You like pancakes. Thanks a million!"

My hands now smell like coffee, hand sanitizer, pine, and dirt all in one.

Praise Papa por Pancakes.

Sunshine

2009-07-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

This is a letter I wrote to my wife this morning; and while praying I felt like God wanted me to share. So after reluctantly fighting against the post:

Sunshine,
To me you are like the breaking of the morning,
the cracking of the dawn,
like the light invades the darkness,
So you bring clarity,
So you bring purity,
So you bring love.

Shalom.

May our covenant be as it should be,
Pure in the sight of God,
May his peace be the strength of our feet,
The weapon we fashion against darkness,

Oh, that He will find righteousness in us!

May the mercy and worship of David permeate our lives,
May the wisdom of Solomon lead our actions,
May the faithfullness of Paul be granted us,
May the victory of Christ set our context.

Grace.

May it abound more in us.

Hope.

Let it be our constant friend.

Love.

Love shall guide us home, each day, to each other,
to the father, to the ends of the earth.

Love.

Kendall Dean

Fin.

2009-06-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

Perfection is a difficult mark to take hold of.
Perfect contentment, peace, hope, faith... really God?

"Be anxious for nothing"?
"In all things, with prayer and petition"?

Wow. This is an extreme God.

Wow. This is an all encompassing faith.

Wow. What is going to take to be all in?

Christ in me, the hope of glory. The Spirit of the living God leading my every moment. It takes being yielded completely to the Holy Spirit.

My perspective must change.

Today.

Here it is: To focus my mind on the finished work of Jesus Christ my savior. He is risen indeed! He has overcome the grave! Shout it among the nations, whisper it to your soul, picture it in your mind. Jesus has conquered death! Satan has lost all His authority in heaven on earth because Jesus has been “given all authority in heaven on earth”. End of story. Satan lost. We won. It is FINISHED.

FINISHED.

Don’t [we] dare miss that point.

We fight from victory; not for it.

He has made us a victorious people… you are not a sinner saved by grace… if you know the living Lord, then you are a saint for you were a sinner saved by grace. You were saved and now you became a saint.

The finished work of Calvary should rule my thoughts.

Finished.

We belong.

2009-06-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

Camp fire stories.

This falls into that category.

Here we are, the two of us, you and I. Connected via the world wide web. For you this may be a coffee shop browsing, or a home couch lounging, or an office distraction: but for me it's a campfire story.

Blazing in front of me is the four foot flame that I just nurtured into life. Sorry tree. You had to go somehow... the stars are out for the second night. They are little "holes to heaven" if you talk to Jack Johnson, or if you are speaking to Brooke Frasure then they are there "just to show us, we belong.". As for me, they are memories hidden, and futures prepared.

In fact, these sprinkles across the sky are so majestic, so vast, that they seem to set all things back to zero. My future, my past, my friends, my wife, my dreams, my experiences, they all are captured in that moment.

These holes to heaven really do remind me that I belong.

The camp fire blazes and all is settled. All is peace. All is free.

We belong.

Hallelujah

2009-06-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah

One word, I want it to define my life.

Hallelujah

The word that sums up creation.

In fact, this word is the purpose of life; not 42, not live long and prosper, not change the world, just hallelujah.

Praise the Lord. Hallelujah.

That's what it means. It means that the king of kings is being lifted up. Hallelujah is what angels and elders are singing in heaven. It is what the mountains are crying out.

All creation is meant for the Lord's praise.

It is my highest calling, it is my highest form of destiny.

I will praise the Lord.

I will put hallelujah on my lips.

You might consider putting it on yours.

Journey.

2009-06-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

Day one: Drive
Two: Introduction
Three: Wet work

Those were the "bullet point summaries" for those of you who have ADD and will glance at the blog and then leave...

The drive was epic in one sense only: The gas light.
It definitely came on a few miles before I was to Hume, but here was the problem: I drove past the last turn and wound into a canyon about 25 miles too far! Ended up being more than an hour out of my way...

How did I make it you ask?

Prayed.

Yep.

I wound all the way DOWNHILL... which meant with gas waning... when I turned around... gas-draining travel.

So I put a piece of paper over my gauge and began to tell the Lord that I couldn't make it without him, and that I would rather not have to camp out here in the middle of nowhere that night... with no cell service...

He put what I needed in my tank and I made it back... crazy!

God is awesome.

In other news, but with short time on-hand: Hume is amazing... so absolutely gorgeous, and I am making tons of friends. Great community, great work, great food, great experience...

The only downside is that I miss you guys...

to be cont.

Kendall

Write me at Hume

2009-05-31T14:23:00.000-07:00

I want letters from you.

Kendall Bachman, Staff
Hume Lake Christian Camps
64144 Hume Lake Road
Hume, CA 93628-9999

I'll be there In two days... June 3-Aug 22

No cell service... hop on twitter and I can "text" you from my laptop to your phone.

Granite Lake, Trinity Alps, CA

2009-05-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

This will be one of those rare "what I've been up to" writings...

I just MUST get out the testimony of my last weekend.

It was worship... pure, unadulterated, unreligousified, worship.

Destination: Granite Lake, Trinity Alps, CA

"As we gathered around the fire, we were reminded of the epic-ness of the day. The flames flickered and burned the scenery of the last eight hours into our minds. Memories that would last forever.

The waterfall roars in the distance, a lonely frog croaks, a small bird chirps goodnight, and smell of steak was saturates our camp. This is the abundant life. The life that Jesus had promised..."

1000 foot granite peaks behind us.

100 foot waterfall in front of us.

1,000,000,000 stars, each known by name.

0 moonlight.

The abundant life.

Worship was almost demanded.

God's awesome.

"Just roll with it"

2009-05-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

The ballpoint pen.

What a beautiful picture of how the Kingdom of God transposes itself onto to tablets of earth.

As Christ followers and kingdom-bringers, God never expects us to make anything happen. We just can't do it on our own.

He holds the ink. The Kingdom of God is like the shaft of the pen, it holds all the ink necessary to inscribe truth in our daily circumstances.

but,

instead of spilling the ink (truth) over every area of the world, He has chosen to put a roller ball on the contact point of the pen.

You are the roller ball.

You don't provide the ink. You don't really have to do anything except stay connected to the pen, stay in front of the ink.

As you roll, truth is established on the earth. It leaves a lasting effect.

The fruit of the "roller ball" believer will be exactly what God intended to write, exactly what He meant to say.

"Just roll with it"

a God of process.

2009-05-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

Ebbing and flowing, sinking and floating,
who knows what tomorrow sees?

Finding and losing, walking and cruising,
who knows what tomorrow thinks?

Shining and hiding, fleeing and fighting,
who knows how tomorrow seems?

Out of the circle, inside the bubble,
Thank God I'll never arrive,
Thank God that He holds the prize,

Thank God, The God, True God,

That you are a God,
of process.

Trail guides and Perception.

2009-05-08T23:45:00.001-07:00

OUR PERCEPTIONS of God's voice are often missing the mark. There is a volume receptor in our brains that is hovering ever so slightly above mute.

Let me restate.

We have this backwards idea of God interactions, and we are so good at perceiving antiGod in our daily lives.

We are so quick to notice evil and so slow to notice God.

We are so quick to see what’s wrong. Do not miss what’s right in the world.

Celebrate what’s right in the world.

I see God yelling, not whispering. He is screaming from the mountain tops, shining through the windows, and sowing seeds everywhere He goes… that, friend, is everywhere by the way.

We just don’t understand the fullness of His glory, and we often pass it by.
The reason: there is an Evil that is covertly distracting us. This evil doesn’t plainly speak “Hey. I’m over here; look at me so I can distract you. I’m distracting you!” The prince of this world has been a deceiver since the beginning of history; the beginning of History.

Distraction is Satan’s largest tool in battling the people of God.

Money, clothes, sex, appearances, cars, houses, sports, video games, movies, art. The normal stuff.

A different reality is proposed. A new normal.

Pay attention.

What about creation? What about the wind and the stars? The sky and the trees? The flowers and the bees? A human face? A puppy face?
These are normal, these are glory, these show off God himself. These represent a master artist. These are normal. God wants to show us his glory, it's all around you. Look! God is not silent. We just aren’t listening for the right voice.

Satan is quiet. He is lurking. He is waiting. He is stealthily distracting. Without being noticed he turns our eyes to lusting, our hearts to greed, our emotions to depression...

and we are lost because we think God is being silent

No.

He's screaming out goodness and glory to you.

Papa gives and gives.
He is good.
He is constant.

In fact, He is the King
of Glory.

God's love never fails.

Watch the sunset tonight. Feel the breeze. Talk to God. Be still. Listen.

In this moment now God will speak to you; but He waits for you to listen.
In this moment now God will reveal Himself; but He waits for you to look.
In this moment now the King of all creation waits for your love.

Your God is
a love addict,
a patient parent,
a best friend,

He is relational, not far off, not distant, but near.
Near. Here. There.

Let us rise up to the massive call on our lives to be amazing, incredible, purpose lead,
trail guides.

You heard correctly. Trail guides.

The apostle Paul directed the already spiritually active towards their “unknown God” idol (Acts 17). He pointed out that this unknown was the King of Kings, the God of all Gods. The men of Athens were merely redirected in their passion for worship.

Let us redirect.
Let us spend our lives pointing out the most beautiful pieces of this world.
“There, do you see that mountain? It’s so majestic, isn’t it? That is the glory of God. That is the art of Jesus.”

Forget the mess. Overwhelm your mind with the art. The love. The majesty.

Let us be eternal trail guides, leading people through the thick; pointing out the glory of God which manifests itself in His creation.

Watch the sunset tonight. Feel the breeze. Talk to God. Be still. Listen.

writing's sake

2009-04-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

I decided to just start writing for writing's sake.

I made this decision less than forty five seconds ago and so far it isn't turning out half bad.

I do have dreams to write books in my lifetime and to consistently write poetry and worship songs, so this seems like as good a time as ever.

So here we are. You and I. We are in this moment. Well, actually we are in two moments; I am in my moment (writing to you) and you are in yours (reading what I wrote).

Actually now that I think of it, it's kind of and awkward/ awesome train of thought to consider tenses.

You know tenses.

Like past, present, and future.

You see I am writing to you right now. Present tense.

You will be reading this. That is the future. I'm predicting it now. In fact, I could have predicted that

Hours ago. Which would be past tense.

Past tense will be (future) what your using (present) when you have been considering (a mix of past and present) what you just read (past).

That sentence says it all.

Now that I have successfully wasted two and a half minutes of your life, I leave you with this:

Thank you friend for reading my active practice. It's people like you that keep people like me encouraged enough to spend time trying to get better at communication.

You done did good.

Kendall

Humbry

2009-04-15T00:36:00.000-07:00

Humbry is a lifestyle. Humbry is a mindset.

Humbry is rewarding. Humbry is God's heart.

God desires us to live this way: Humble and Hungry.

My earnest heart filled prayer is that I will always be a student of God's heart. I desire his heart, I search it out, and I take a posture to learn from anyone and anything.

That's just it. Posture.

There is a posture (a constant mindset) that keeps us rapidly approaching God's destiny for us.

The destiny that he has predetermined for us will only happen through our choice to take hold of it.

Our choice is to walk the straight and narrow... or to not.

I want the straight and narrow. I want the glorious life that he predetermined for me if I so choose it.

So I will live Humbry.

Humble: I am always a student; I have never arrived.

I never want to be the expert on God. Rather, I just want to be and I'll let God be the expert.

Hungry: I always want more; I will never be satisfied completely with what I already have because I know He desires to give me more. Seek and I shall find. Ask and I shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened.

Seek. Hunger. Thirst. Drink. Eat. Find.

Repeat.

This is the Humbry lifestyle. I will live it at nineteen and at ninety nine.

Humbry.

Strong and Courageous

2009-04-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

This cup caught my attention two days ago.

I was in LAX airport (Los Angeles, CA) and had just finished the cup. I was headed home from one of the most influential weeks I have ever had. Mexico City changed my life.

As you, my friends, hears the stories of God's movement on my trip, I hope that it inspires courage in you. It would be very easy to be dissatisfied with your own daily life when you hear the miraculous stories, but that is not God's heart.

He is a God of process. He doesn't value what you do or what you have done; rather he values you for who you are. Who Christ says you are.

I have no lack of miracle testimonies and stories of salvations from the past week. Ask me about it and "be strong and courageous" mighty warrior.

Love you guys,

Kendall

Loving Head to Foot

2009-03-27T12:15:00.001-07:00

We love. The question for the Jesus following Christian is not on our mandate, it’s the delivery. Today we hear more and more about new and creative ways to show Christ’s love to the people and communities around us. That is just the focus that is coming to action in our city. Creative love.

Erase the Dark was a community-wide gathering earlier this month, drawing in an array of people. The churched and the unchurched, the artists and the connoisseurs, the young and old, many different groups all with one goal in mind: to show a practical love to those around us. Cypress Elementary school was the target of this specific love driven fundraiser. An effort was put forth to find a way to bless this school in the midst of California budget cuts. The teachers may not be the ones doing most of the receiving but they can’t help but smile as the students that they pour their lives into are getting presents.

A need was identified, and a means was found. The kid’s needed simple things: backpacks, shoes, pencils and paper. Most of them have not been used to these being in constant supply. Last year Erase the Dark (a community art festival and auction) raised enough money to buy every single student at cypress a brand new backpack. The backpacks were filled with school supplies and taken to the kids in the classroom personally. The smiles were wide spread, and the kid’s laughed and played with their new gear.

This year the bar had been set and the intention going into the art festival was to buy every kid a new pair of shoes, and the school supplies will be delivered individually to teachers for them to do as they see fit. As the event approached (a Friday night of music, art, and h’or dourves) sponsors throughout the businesses of Redding decided to pitch in. The funds they donated completely covered the cost of putting on the event so that every penny of the 7,000 dollars raised on Friday, March 6th was able to be poured into the School. Over 250 brand new pairs of shoes are to arrive soon and taken to the kids, and some extras will find their way into the classrooms as well.

The event was simple: artists donated paintings and photography, artists played original live music, artists put together fancy finger food, and artists created short films. Many churches were represented in the purchasing and donating of the art, and the pieces were sold in a “silent auction” style as they were put up for display.

The partnering of this Annual event and Cypress Elementary is just one of the ways that we are seeing the kingdom of God transform the “four walls” of the church into “four directions” of love.

This is about the people of God showing a separated world His nature. Love.

We love.

Kendall

The Abundance

2009-03-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

Here's a few questions of the rhetoric kind:

Do you ever have a day that is without explanation just good?

Do you ever have a feeling of such peace, simplicity, and clarity, and you have no idea why today is different?

My circumstances are not exceedingly different, or somehow greater than other days, yet tonight is filled with a fresh breath. There is clarity in my house.

"It's [not] tired in here." (Inside joke...)

I just watched a movie with a friend.

Then when he left:
I cleaned every room of the house that I use, then I put in a new load of laundry, then I hung shirts, then I folded socks, then I read an old journal, and a couple old letters, organized my desks (yes I have two), loaded some software on my computer, took out trash, organized a chess set, packed up a closet...

I did all that very slowly. I just hung out with God.

I don't really have a sufficient description of how I feel right now but...

I'm convinced that nights like tonight are the life that Jesus came to offer us... the abundant life.

Life to the fullest.

My life tonight is very simple.

Yet,

It's life to the fullest.

Goodnight.

Simply Beautiful.

2009-03-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

Life is so incredible. It can be so simple too.

I need to praise God right now for my life. It's welling up inside me, I can't contain the praises of his nature and character.

I want to pray like David. 85% Praise 12% request 4% lament.

Okay, well I could do without the lamenting part. (and if youre a perceptive person, that adds up to 101%...)

I have too many blessings to count and I have an infinite capability to bring glory to the King of Kings.

You are awesome Papa. Your mercy is my strength. You're grace is my power. You are intimacy.

Draw closer to me Friend. Come and visit. Come with your abounding presence.

I love You,

Kendalldean

Shabbat.

2009-02-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

Shabbat is the Hebrew word for sabbath (The "H" letter just likes to bounce around and suddenly you're speaking ancient Hebrew...).

My Sabbath is always Tuesday.

But there is a tension.

Sabbath comes from an old testament law that the Jewish people observed (They got it from God's "seventh day" and it was created for rest). Every seventh day, the Jewish people had over a hundred individual laws that they could not break just for this day alone.

It would almost have taken more effort to keep the Sabbath in all it's fullness than to live a day of work. The rest that it was designed for was manipulated into a religious mindset.

But there is a tension.

We are no longer under the law, but the Law was the heart of God before our redemption was made complete.

My heart is to take a Holy day, a day set apart from the rest, intended for rest... A day that is dedicated to God.

That day is today. Tuesday for me.

In an effort to find the divine tension between living a Holy day of rest, and yet not to make it a religious practice, I have boiled myself down a short definition (yet it is subject to change):

On Tuesday, Kendall doesn't do anything that he must do, and everything he does is done out of choosing God first.

That is a shabbat to me. Today I rest. Today I set apart. Today I praise the King of Glory. Today I do only what is optional. Today I do nothing that I have to do.

Shabbat.

Cyper spayed.

2009-02-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

I just deleted my myspace account of four years... I'm loving it.

I was getting nothing out of it and there were too many "you need a girlfriend" dating ads...

I could give you a hundred other reasons why I'm done with it but, none of them would change your life or spread the gospel of the Kingdom of God.

Now raising the dead and cleansing the lepers... that's a different story.

all healed up.

2009-02-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

I've been very sick.

Seriously. No fun. My aching body!

So let me spare you some time and give you a bullet point summary.

*Sore throat, runny nose, headaches, body aches, no energy, fever, chills, and more.

*Prophetic word from yesterday "Pain comes in the night, but joy comes in the morning"

*Prophetic word from yesterday "an acquaintance will give you an unexpected gift"

*Worked at 4am this morning. Not fun.

*On a break, an old acquaintance prayed for me.

*Back to work: No runny nose, no aches, tons of energy, body temp is normal...

*Healed!

Done.

Senses.

2009-02-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

It's common sense.

We all have a sense to be valued.

We all have a sense to be loved.

We all have a sense to be respected.

We all have dreams.

I am learning what it means to have a vision larger than myself, a dream bigger than I can accomplish alone, and a love for those around me that's not focused on what is in me.

These things keep me ticking.

They are the parts of me that I am cultivating with God.

He is my strength.

He is my shield.

He is my victory.

He is my Dad, my Friend, my Lover.

He is my purpose, my vision, my dream.

He is my duracell battery.

Yet,

Yet he has placed us in relationship for a reason.

Yet he has given us family.

Yet he has given us choice.

He has well equipped us, he has well encouraged us, and he has well named us.

The Name that I carry is the Name above all names.

His name is my inheritance. He is my family, and a name carries identity.

Christ is my identity.

That is my choice, my gift, and my Inheritance.

What identity did you choose to live by today? God says one thing about you and the world says another. Which one I agree with determines which one I live under.

Our choice is more powerful than I have yet come to realize.

Worth it?

2009-02-10T17:00:00.001-08:00

It is one of those days...

One of the days where I think to myself, was it worth it last night?

One of those days where my eyelids feel like dropping and my teeth still taste like stale cigar and earl gray tea...

One of those days where my stomach rumbles consistently...

One of those days where I watched a sunrise, a sunset, and a sunrise before my eyes closed their lids...

Board games for half a day... straight...

Beautiful sunrise, beautiful people, the most loyal of friends, cigars at 6:30am, homework in between games, pancakes that look more like mangled biscuits, ping pong in the early hours, these are a few of my favorite things.

Catan Church

2009-02-09T03:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight at the stirring Nate brought home my favorite subject: Unity in the church. Honoring other Churches.

Afterward we took spirituality to a new level via our new "Church planters of Catan" board game craze.

Basically we play Settlers of Catan and talk about church planting.

"I'm trading two sheep for one wheat... I've got wood too..."

A great game.

God gets glory when Christian men unite in Settlers...

Thank you.

2009-01-29T01:06:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much friend.
Thanks for being the person you are.
Thanks for being the encouragement I needed.
For being fun, funny, and functional!
Thanks for teaching me organization.

I have learned how to love deeper.
I have learned better time management.
I have learned how to die to self.
I have learned to set my self up for success.

I have loved unconditionally.
I still love you.
I see so much of God in your life.
I love your heart.
Such a pure heart.
An empowering heart.

The dreams. Oh your dreams!
I love your dreams, I hope to see you step into the largest ones.
You taught me how to dream bigger.
You taught me how to accomplish more.

You were proud of me.
You think the world of me still.
You talk highly of me with your friends.
Thank you so much.

You trusted me with the deepest things.
You trusted me with the scariest.
You trusted me to stay steady.
You trusted me to keep us pure.

Thanks for our purity.
Thanks for the stories I will have all my life.
I loved you.

Thanks for putting God first above all.
Our Papa. Thanks for showing me more of Papa's heart.
Sara Jean Ferguson. You have shown me Papa's heart in a greater way.
I could never repay you. I could never return what you gave me.

Thanks for believing in me, and for pushing me to a higher standard.
Thanks for putting God first above all.
Thanks for listening to his voice. Thanks for obeying.

Thanks for simply being a friend,
Sara Jean Ferguson, you have been a best friend,
You have been the person I have loved most.

Here We part from our love. With naught but good memories.
I will be a friend for the rest of my life.
And I know you'll be one of the most loyal friends of mine.

Thanks for considering me for marriage.
We both have great lives ahead of us, full of the kingdom.
We both have another person to love out there, they both will be incredible.
It's hard to imagine, so for now, I won't.
Someday though we can go on double dates together!

Thanks for the last three months Sara Jean Ferguson,
I hold you to the highest esteem,

Love,

Kendall dean.

Good morrow.

2009-01-11T07:49:00.000-08:00

As the sun hits horizon my,
feet hit the ground i,
hear birds singing their,
cheerful sound my,
puppy licks good morning her,
breath needs attention we,
need our first meal the,
cars go to work they,
blow exhaust in air it,
breezes through trees which,
shake off midnight freeze i,
hear birds singing their,
cheerful song it's,
a cheerful one we,
agree, it is,
a good morrow.

A Bride unmarried.

2008-11-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

Jesus is the example, he is the prize. We call on all disciples chasing after Jesus’ heart. We call on every man, woman, and child that understands Jesus to be the Christ; he was, is, and always will be our messiah. We shout to communities and churches that are like minded in their pursuit of a Godly lifestyle. I call on the church, the bride, the body. I call on myself, my friends, and you. We are a people that can’t boast of anything but the grace of God. Under his grace we are equal. He sees you with the same love that I am known. He thinks the world of you. He thinks the world of me.

So I think the world of you. Do you feel the same?

What if I told you I loved Jesus? Does that make you love me more? It’s possible.

What if I told you that I thought Jesus was the way, the truth, and the life?
Then I told you I also thought that the big bang started creation, Jesus was a married man, and we have three Gods- Father, Son, and Spirit.
“In fact,” I continue telling you “All roads lead to heaven if you obey the commandments that God gives in the bible.”

Now what happened inside of you?

What was it that happened to your core? Did you want to correct my theology? Did you want to tell me the truth that you have found? Did you want to argue your opinion? Maybe you just got a little tense and started to have compassion on me. Maybe you started praying that God would reveal his true heart to me.

We are all equal under God. Christ paid the price. That is fact. That we agree on.

Or do you tend to focus on what we don’t agree on? When we meet on the sidewalk, at the coffee shop, or in the market, and I start telling you about my interpretations of scripture, why is it that you feel responsible to guide my thoughts until they look like yours?

We are all saved by grace, it is not of ourselves. Why do I want to “play God” when you disagree with me; in which case I will begin to tell you the “real” truth about Christ and God. Or at least think it.

And if we can’t agree, then we better just live separately, cheer each other on (publicly, from a distance), and huddle around some people who make us feel good because they agree with us.

I mean, that’s what Jesus would do… isn’t it?

I want to propose some conditions of the church that have scary ramifications.

The church is not unified. (who would have guessed?)
The Bride is dismembered. (Jesus won’t come back to an ugly Bride.)
We have let the religious spirit become powerful again. (Jesus’ murderer was a religious spirit)
Our (my) love has been defeated by our (my) pride.

I am sorry. I repent. Will you forgive me? God already has, will you?

I want you to know something.

I love you- the way that God sees you is the way I choose to. Unconditionally.
I value you- you carry the image of the Lord of all creation, I can learn from you, you are valuable.
I like you- God is in a good mood, not only does he love you, but he enjoys you, and so do I.
I respect you- you were created in the same way as I was, God sees you in the same light as me.
I need you- we were created to live in relationship, you have pieces of God that I need.

This is a call to unity, a lifestyle of love and humility, a movement based in God’s love and Jesus’ payment.
I am calling on all Christ followers, all Jesus’ loving communities, and all disciples of the one messiah.

The call is to love like Jesus.
The call is to live out discipleship.
The call is to draw together after thousands of years of warring.
The call is to become so lovely in our unity that the husband will be drawn to come for his Bride.

We are becoming beautiful, but the feet cannot do it without the legs, and the eye cannot do it without the mouth, I cannot do it without you, you cannot do it without me.

Typically random.

2008-11-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Typically I am random.

So this is just another adventure in the life of Kendall Dean.

As we speak, I'm sitting in a small "ma' and pop" coffee shop in a city called Lathrop. It's about four hours south of Redding, and the very sketchy plan is to visit Yosemite... soon. (Yosemite National Park is about two hours East of here). As I sit here, I try to think ahead and plan my next move.

It's four o'clock and I can go to Yosemite now, and I would sleep in my car.

I could go an hour West and stay in oakland with my friends Amanda and Hendrick.

I can read and write here until I need to find a parking lot to sleep in.

I could meet friends from Sacramento.

We've got options.

We have very few constraints. God is good, and that will not change.

I actually am responding to God on this trip by simply going. About a week and a half ago, he told me to go.

For this reason, there is great expectation for the quest.

I brought my Guitar, Journal, Laptop, and Bible. Tools for inspiration, tools for living the life that I am called to.

I may climb a snowy mountain, I may enjoy a camp fire, I may read a new book, I may drink twenty lattes, I may go to the ocean, I may skip rocks in a river, I may design a swing set, I may thrift store shop in San Fran.

One thing I do know,

I will simply enjoy my Papa, my God.

Simple.

Prices are Valuable

2008-10-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

Prices are valuable.

Think about that for a second.

Prices give us a value system for all the things that we come across in our lives.

My guitar was a thousand bucks, my car was fifteen hundred.

My wallet, which holds usually under ten dollars, cost more than ten dollars.

A value system.

Let me tell you about how valuable I am. I am valuable enough that the God of the universe, God of all glory, the God of all power, all knowledge, and a God who IS love itself, wants to know me personally.

We converse.

I talk to Him, He responds, it's beautiful. In fact I just asked Him what He wants to say to you.

He said to tell the Men that they are AWESOME.

He said to tell the Women that they are BEAUTIFUL.

The price that the King of Glory paid for me was death, torture, and slander. It was dehumanizing and definitely not a death that I would say was God-worthy.

The price that forgiving my sin cost him reveals my value.

That's how valuable you are (in the present tense) to Him.

I can keep on ignoring Him and He will love me the same.

You can choose to thank Him, talk to Him, love Him, and live with and for Him.

He will love you the same.

But just between you and me, He might really like the attention.

Livelihood

2008-10-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the tropics of South America, Africa, and Asia Pacific there are men and women working hard for my morning livelihood.

It all comes down to the french press. The ultimate coffee experience.

Every morning I get to enjoy a cup of coffee darker than the monster in your closet's closet.

As I sit with the sun rising higher into the sky, slurping on my coffee, and writing to you, I can't help but be reminded of how blessed I am.

Coffee Master Mug- $10, Cannon digital camera- $400, Power Ranger backpack- $0.10, North Face backpack- $100, Ipod Nano- $200, Casio Boulder cell phone- $250, Leather Bound Journal- $30, Compaq laptop- $600.

My friend Josiah- $33.50

These are just things that are sitting on this table in front of me. I am rich.

I am rich in spirit too. God gave me a love that I'll never find elsewhere.

He gave me the gift of his Spirit too.

I am rich.

I got a friend, a cup of coffee, a sunrise, and a shower this morning.

Thank you Jesus.

She.

2008-10-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

There are a few specific ways in which I am waiting for my wife.

I hesitate to say "future wife" because she exists today. She is my wife, whoever she is, but we just haven't been married yet.

Many people that I know are saving themselves for their honeymoon night, they are holding back and constantly choosing to say no over and over again so that when they say yes (to their one and only) it will mean so much more. A much better gift to give. An exclusive gift.

I am all on board with this, however, I want to take a more proactive approach for my wife, because she is the most amazing woman of God that you'll ever meet. She is special.

Every time I find a penny on the ground it's almost as if she is tossing bread crumbs for me to find. I collect these crumbs and keep them in a jar; and when my hand lets the pennies drop, I pray specifically and intently for my wife. I've prayed for her thousands of times.

Every time I have loose silver change in my pocket, I save. I do not spend change. Ever. If the cost of my coffee is 2.01 then I break three dollars and take home 99 cents for my -you guessed it- honeymoon fund. I pray for Her. With every coin that passes through my hand it is collected and saved -even cherished.

I'm writing her letters. I will be post stamping these and saving them for her.

And... at the risk of sounding obsessive... (all this is from a healthy heart)

I may or may not have started saving for an engagement ring.

Like I said, She is just that special.

There are parts of my personality and identity that I hold back when I interact with single girls my age. I am very protective of hearts. Yours and mine. In fact, I have never dated.

Protective.

Some day though, my wife is going to want to know who I really am. She will get past the surface. She will be given parts of my life that are not given loosely, and she will find out the full extent that I am preparing for her.

Potent

2008-10-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

The weather is perfect.

The wind dances on treetops, very much like a game of hopscotch.

The sun smiles on my skin, ideal for short sleeves and pants.

The clouds are bouncing, but somehow ever so still.

Ever so happy.

Every breath has a heightened effect beyond the last.

Every word spoken today is crisp and unmistakable.

Every aspect of reality today, to me, in a word, seems:

Potent.

Potency has a connotation of directed power.

Purposeful.

Purpose-filled I enjoy my Thursday.

Thank you Jesus... I mean that...

Thanks.

Ceasing Faith

2008-10-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

As an unsuspecting driver, I turned the corner past the highway patrolman.

I made too much eye contact. I am convinced.

So a few "thank you officer"s and two tickets later I drove home in my beautiful car... Faith.

She has been so good to me over these past few years; but due to four "fix-it tickets" she will need to be taken to the scrap metal grave yard.

All cars don't go to heaven.

So here's an ode to Faith. My ceasing Faith:

Bought at 3,200 dollars with 212k miles we began our journey together two and a half years ago.

Hit by a drunk driver, we (my parents and I) received 2,200 dollars for the damage.

So they gave me her for free.

Hit by drunk driver number two, I received 1,600 dollars and continued to drive my paid-off beater.

Some of you know her as the "Bandaid Car" or the "tic tac toe board".

The 1,600 dollars that came from my "uninsured motorist" I saved specifically to make a down payment on my next car.

Well now that Faith's time is up I randomly started checking Craigs list for cars.

God. He likes to give me things.

So I stumbled on this Blue 1993 Toyota Camry. I have paid the adoption price and he is mine.

Obadiah is his name.

He has 50k miles less than Faith did and has never been hit by a single drunk driver!

The entire cost of my new buddy was less than the money that i saved from the last accident. No down payment here, just paid cash.

Ode to Obadiah.

A piece of my heart

2008-09-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

I want to let you in on a secret. A small part of the way I choose to live my life.

It's simple really.

I am dying. You may already have known this.

Because I am dying, I don't have time for certain things. Time IS limited.

I don't have time for negativity. I don't have time to focus on people's problems.

I don't have time to focus on the Church's problems.

I want to live a lifestyle of humility and love.

I do have time to learn. I can learn from anyone.

Every church and community has something to offer.

I want you to know that I value you. I love you.

I value your community. I love your community.

You have something to offer the world. You have something to offer God.

I don't have time to focus on your problems.

You could ask me and I will tell you why I think you are great.

You have Glory to offer God.

You have love to offer the world.

The Signature of Jesus

2008-08-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

""The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very act of existence is an act of rebellion." There is nothing more maddening to the world than a free man or woman in Christ Jesus. People must not look to the church to reinforce the values of their culture, or to dust off on Sunday morning the idols they have been living by during the week.

The early church was built on small groups of people who came together to support one another in a whole new way of life. These primitive communities were visable evidence of an alternative to the status quo of their culture. Today we need small bands of people who take the gospel at face value, who realize God is doing, and who are living proof of being in the world but not of the world. These "base" communities or neighborhood churches should be small enough for intimacy, kindred enough enough for acceptance, and gentle enough for criticism. Gathered in the name of Jesus, the community empowers us to incarnate in our lives what we believe in our hearts and proclaim with our lips."

-Brennan Manning The signature of Jesus

A silent Satan, A shouting God

2008-08-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

I think our perceptions of God's voice (generally speaking of course) are due to a volume receptor in our brains that is hovering ever so slightly above mute.

Let me restate.

I think we have this backwards idea of interactions with God and antiGod in our day to day lives.

We are so quick to notice evil and so slow to notice God.

I see God yelling, not whispering. We just take his glory for less than it is, and for good reason: there is an Evil that is covertly distracting us.

Distraction is Satans largest tool in battling the people of God.

Money, clothes, sex, appearances, cars, houses, sports, video games, movies, etc... the "normal" stuff.

A different reallity is proposed. A new normal.

What about creation? What about the wind and the stars? The sky and the trees? The flowers and the bees? A human face? A puppy face? These are normal, these are glory, these show off God himself. These represent a master artist. These are normal. God wants to show us his glory, it's all around me. Look! God is not silent. We are not listening for the right voice.

Satan is quiet. He is lurking. He is waiting. He is stealthily distracting. Without being noticed he turns our eyes to lusting, our hearts to greed, our emotions to depression...

and we are lost because we think God is being silent

No.

He's screaming out goodness and glory to you.

He gives and gives.

He is good.

He is constant.

God's love never fails.

Watch the sunset tonight. Feel the breeze. Talk to God. Be still. Listen.

Kendall

Violinist.

2008-08-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

The music was creating space for worshiping God last night. The Holy Ghost was moving powerfully.

Amidst the full sound of a large and well practiced band was a distinctive, beautiful sound. A violinist. The melody and passion were mixing together from her instrument and in turn blessing the people in the room.

As she drew her bow across the strings with masterful skill I began to tear up, God began to speak. He showed me how beautiful the sound was to him. He told me how much he was blessed by her music. This woman of God was stunningly beautiful; and the praise that came from her heart through her violin was breathtaking.

She looked to be about eighty-five.

The two electric guitars, full drum set, bassist, keys, and the vocalists had begun building the sound. Louder and louder came the praise to God. More energy.

The violinist fell into God's arms and played with the passion and vigor of someone a quarter of her age. Quick and sharp arm movements with agile fingers created a melody that brought memories to life.

Her music invoked memories from long ago in me.

Here's the thing though: They weren't my memories. They were hers. I just got to see them.

I saw a beautiful Woman, young and graceful laying in a meadow thanking God for his love. The violinist was laughing with joy at her Father who loved her so much.

As the melody changed to a somber key filled with minors, I saw her tears running down her cheeks while she stood on a hill and asked God why the pain was so prevailing.

Again the music changed to harmony that was delightfully agreeing with the larger band. The sound was beautiful and inspiring. I saw the men in her past finding such inspiration in this violinist. Her beauty extended far beyond the surface and her freedom was contagious to these men. They would fight for her. They would protect her.

Her open worship and God's blessing together let me see into her life and my tears of joy are the only expression worthy of the encounter.

Kendall

Fresh.

2008-07-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

At my workplace we had this huge launch of a new coffee a few months ago. The pikes place blend. In all its majesty it created a wake that had a need for... shirts. Shirts advertising a coffee blend. One of the designs states simply: BOLD. The other states: FRESH. I have a friend who, to this day, loves to wear her FRESH every shift possible.

That has nothing to do with my day.

Today is Fresh and new. I breathe in this mountain air and I feel God give me something new. He is doing something new. I have seen the stars for the first time tonight in a couple months. Thank God for fresh air down here.

Our speaker is very passionate about what he has brought to camp this year. He is speaking on the fullness of Thriving in life. Living in the fullness of God.

I am living in the midst of God's love and this week is quickly becoming a staging time for my year. My year will be extraordinary.

Today is an incredible day. Enjoy a flower for me.

Rich. In the lap of luxury.

2008-06-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

I am rich. I live in the lap of luxury.

The luxury of love.

Love everlasting. Love that is unconditional.

It's my purpose in life.

It is God's purpose for me. Just to simply be loved.

God has family, he has always had family. He knows how to love. He IS love. That is where we come in. We were created to be loved.

Today that is all I'm going to do. I will be loved. Today I look for more ways that He shows love. Today I enjoy Him. Simply enjoy my Abba. It is my highest calling and purpose. It is where the rubber meets the road.

I must live out of the center of God's love.

Kendall

There's a storm Brewing.

2008-06-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

This has nothing to do with coffee.

I have nothing to do with coffee.

God is speaking.

...Two truths and a lie...

My Abba, and friend is becoming my lover. He is speaking daily. He is loving me. God is caring for me. Daddy is leading me. My heart has been resting. Breathing.

If i could describe the stage or season or period (whatever you want to call it) that I'm in right now, it could come down to one word: receptive

I am choosing to receive what God wants to give me daily; and that is no small care package.

I'm seeing him in the sunrises. In the sunsets. I am enjoying his beauty in the mountains.

He is constantly blessing me with gifts of scenario.

Let me explain.

I'll find myself in a forest. I find a spot. A perfect spot. It fits my body when I lay in this spot. The view is unmatched and unprecedented. The temperature of this spot is perfect. The sounds are inviting. The smells are soothing... and nobody gets to be in this scenario but me. God will give it to me like he has given some of my friends literal diamonds.

Then i am energized. I go out from the place of rest ready to function. Ready to bring heaven to earth.

Then i find another spot. A gift.

It's like my daddy has been just giving me these items, scenarios, feelings, just to support me and love me. Like a father would.

But there's change as of late.

These are becoming like my lover is giving, out of love, expecting nothing. My lover gives me a gift that takes my breath away, like an engagement ring might. My lover whispers things in my ear just to make me laugh or smile, but most of all just to be loved.

It makes me love Him back better.

Now the wind up... the coming storm... the result of the gifts...

I have had 3 separa... no... 4 separate occasions in the last two months when God has given other people specific things to tell me. All four have hit home perfectly. All I can do is listen, smile, and thank my Lover, my Daddy, my Friend.

Change... the first person tells me they are feeling major change in my near future.
Transition... the second person tells me that God says he is preparing me for a major identity fulfillment.
Morphing... the third person tells me that God is saying I am going to be triggered, set off, fired, set on fire... the result is a dead sprint for the finish line.

The fourth was a vision. A vision that i wont share with you but i will tell you what God told me through it. The person telling me this vision had zero idea what it was about but that's because it was for me not her.

It hit home today. It described a previous me. Not a bad me, not a lesser me, but a previous me. The stage/season/period that I have been in lately all put into a single verb. Out of this comes another me. A transformation.

God is brewing something in me. I can feel it. I can't identify it.

There was a storm today. A beautiful, awesome, powerful storm. This storm was passionate.

I can recognize a passion being placed in me. A passion for something that I haven't been passionate about before.

This may sound silly, but I don't know what it is, I just know that I am passionate about it.

Kendall

All creation is longing

2008-05-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

The air outside can be described as coastal. I can feel a tinge of moisture in the air and there is a steady breeze. I love moments like this. I love moments when I feel like I can see the face and the heart of God in the conditions around me.

I see the turmoil of God's heart in the upside down landscape of the clouds.

I feel the peace of God's heart in the breeze across my patio.

I hear the tenderness and compassion of God's heart in the distant chirp of the birds.

I understand the weightiness of God's presence in the complete still moments.

I smell the fresh mercy and redemption of God's grace in the wet grass.

I am absorbed by the warmth of God's love and attention as I drink my hot tea.

I see the captivating vulnerability of God's heart as I watch my beagle rest.

I can just barely grasp the fullness of Gods strength and majesty as I look deep into the mountains.

These are the moments that energize me. The moments where God gives me a fresh breath and a new outlook; refined purpose and heightened joy. I live for the moments where God shows up in his creation. All creation is longing to be restored. God did not create an imperfect world. Satan perverted a masterpiece. All creation is longing to be restored. I am longing to be restored.

God restore me. God I want more of you. More of you God. Your restoration.

That's the papa I know and love.

Kendall

All-Consuming

2008-05-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Beauty surrounds me, captivates me, encourages me, embraces me. Beauty is ingrained into my entire life. Throughout the day it wakes me, saves me, loves me.

Nature is beautiful. People are beautiful. Abba is beautiful.

God gives to us. He gives to us. He keeps on giving. I recieve what he has to give.

I can look at people, I mean really look, and see such an amazing beauty that has been given; and there is no explanation for this but extreme and all-powerful love.

What love it is that has crafted the smile! What love it is that makes eyes miles deep! What love it is that grants a nose to smell! Ears for hearing! Touch for feeling.

What love it is that has crafted our capacity for love. God knew what he was doing when he gave me the ability to love you. I love you.

Today I went on a bike ride at sunrise. I can't believe it comes up every morning. Seriously! Every single day.

There aren't powerful enough words for that experience. You need to hear the slow intermitent chrip of a few birds, you need to smell the clean, slightly damp air, you need to see a fading dark, a breaking of light, you need to touch the chill of the atmosphere around you.

I can almost touch a sunrise. What a gift of God.

Kendall

The Sounds of Left

2008-05-20T12:39:00.001-07:00

I wrote this about a month and a half ago while in Seattle. It takes me back and is very real in my mind.

"I laid there on my back feeling an all consuming hug from the mixture of sunny warmth and a slight breeze to keep it fresh. I was looking into the sky, partly blue, partly white, partly grey, but in all parts the sight was dramatic. I just had to reallize what I was looking at. Majesty. That's what I was looking at. As I sat up, I looked out at sea, It was so easy to let my mind charge into the vastness of the view. Mile after mile I could let my thoughts travel over endless waves, further, and further out at sea... but stop. The soft turf that I'm sitting on brings me back to the reallity of my immediate surroundings. I listened left. Yes the direction left, also in this case south (meaning I am facing west), I could hear the sounds of the fish market yelling. I could imaging the hustle bustle of large men throwing fish back and forth as well as small men playing guitar and violin for tips. I smelled left. Fish, clam, oyster, coffee, the smells of left. I looked to my right. I looked right and up. Way up, higher, higher, neck cramp, higher, the sky scraper was filled with restaurants, offices, retail stores, and people. I knew what was behind me. A city stacked on top of a city, on top of a city, etc. The square footage of the ground seemingly powerless against the growth of the city. If they can't build out, they build up. I sipped on my hot chocolate (yes, from the first Starbucks ever) and let the taste filled my pallet. Coacoa from accross the world, milk from cows in Cali, a coffee shop experience in a travel sized cup. It warmed me from the inside out. Warmth of sun, smell of fish, sounds of left, sight of waves -beyond waves-, hot chocolate working outward, cranes building behind me. Seattle, WA. There I was sandwiched between Pikes place market and the pier.

Tell me if those moments aren't worth a million dollars. I mean it, a million. I'm rich! I am filthy rich. I have a get rich quick scheme, change my mindset. Daily, hourly, on the minute. I think in terms of millions. I have a million dollar moment right now. I'm sitting on a leather chair in a coffee shop that protects me from the hail and the cold. A fire place burns in my front. Artwork surrounds me, and music serenades me. Coffee energizes me and a power outlet energizes my computer."

Climactic Coffee

2008-04-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

A coffee bean has a past. It has a present; and it has a future.

There is a tree. The air around the tree is thin. The tree stands tall and strong.

There is a star. The star is hot. The star warms the air around the tree.

There is water. It collects together to make clouds. The clouds rain on the tree.

The tree produces a cherry. A farmer picks the cherry. He soaks the cherry. The outer layer comes off. A green bean is left.

There is a man. He inspects the bean. He pays the farmer for his bean. He takes the bean overseas. He puts the bean in a roasting oven.

The roasting oven produces a bean ready to sell. A man takes the bean out of the roaster and puts it into a bag. He sends it to a shop.

There is a barista. The barista opens the bag and puts the bean in a grinder. The barista collects the ground bean and mixes it with hot water.

You buy the hot water and the bean.

Break. Change of subject.

When you look into the eye of a person it is intense. There is a tension created because you aren't just looking at an eyeball. You are staring into something larger than can fit in the space allowed. You are looking into a production of thought and emotion.

Same with a camera.

When you stare at the lense of a camera there is more going on than appears. There is a weightiness to the direct contact with a working lense because you know that the camera will capture a moment. It will continue to create thoughts and emotions beyond the moment.

There is a tension when you look into an eye; when you look into a lense.

Break. Go back.

The coffee bean.

There is a tension created when I stare into the cup. I look into the coffee. I smell the coffee, I taste the coffee. I feel the coffee, I see the coffee. I hear the slurp. I hear the people around me. I hear the music playing.

There is more going on than it seems. There is a farmer behind my cup. There was a master roaster that chose the roast. There was warm sunlight shining on the hill. There was a tree on the hill.

My cup of coffee has been, is currently, and will be full of thought and emotion. A web of reallity coming to a climax. The climax created a moment, a willingness, a feeling enough to write about the coffee bean.

There is more going on than it seems. There is a glory that we refuse to glorify.

Let me tell you.

2008-04-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you about Joseph.

Joseph is my friend. Joseph is a friend of God.

Joseph knows his scripture. Joseph is working on his own translation of the bible.

Joseph is working on his masters thesis. Joseph is a professor at Simpson University.

Let me tell you about Joseph.

He likes to collect bottles. He enjoys honey.

He is writing a screenplay for broadway. He is writing me in.

He has been to war. He has been across the country.

Let me tell you about Joseph.

Joseph wears a hat, and has a nice windbreaker.

I tell you about Joseph because you probably wont ever get to know him, but I think he is important. He is amazing because God thinks he is amazing. A man so amazing as to attract the love of the Almighty deserves to be talked about.

Joseph is loved by God; and that is why he is worth your time. And mine.

Climbing Clyde

2008-04-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

Clyde was a climber. He climbed all sorts of things.

Clyde climbed rock walls to feel the breeze. Clyde climbed buildings and trees.

Clyde never said nope. Clyde never lost hope.

If he couldn't make it to the top, he would climb something else, but he always tried. Yes he did, Clyde.

All sorts of people didn't understand Clyde. They would say things like "Get your head out of the clouds" or "You might hurt yourself Clyde".

But Clyde didn't understand all sorts of people. He liked the clouds. He hurt himself countless times.

Clyde thought those times made him smarter.

He would learn when he would fall, to try things a different way. He would appreciate the clouds and the things that he saw when he climbed stuff.

One day someone drove by Clyde while he was walking. The black window of a blacker car started to roll down; he payed attention because he liked to learn about things that he didn't know.

The car was mysterious, as was the Man inside. The Man had dark glasses on. Clyde couldn't see his eyes. When the Man started speaking, Clyde listened.

Clyde listened to stories about beautiful homes, and fancy cars. Clyde listened to stories about comfortable shoes. Clyde listened to stories about neat gadgets; and how to get the money to have them for himself.

Clyde put down the rope that he climbed stuff with. He got a job. He gave his bike to Luke and got a car. He got a better job and picked up more shifts. Then he got a computer. Clyde had climbed rope for years, that was hard. So Clyde climbed latters, that was easy. Clyde bought nice shoes, and then he got some dark glasses.

Clyde wanted a bigger house so he put in some overtime.

He loved to grill steak and watch his big T.V. in the evenings.

One day Clyde saw Luke riding a bike to the top of a mountain.

Clyde wondered why Luke always had his head in the clouds. So Clyde decided to tell Luke how to get an air conditioned home.

Luke doesn't understand people like Clyde.

Luke likes enjoying all day, every day.

Days like Today.

2008-04-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

I live for days like today.

It was sunny, warm, a slight breeze, I was surrounded by mountains, and I had nothing to do, with alot to think about.

"Conditions are perfect. It's Wednesday, there's nothing good on TV... conditions are perfect."

I went to coffee shops. I talked to friends, I watched the mountains, I talked to Jesus. I drank coffee and enjoyed the sunshine.

End of day. How amazing.

Kendall

A dark day.

2008-04-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

The day is dark.

The mood Somber. The mood angry. The mood unsettled. The mood storming. The mood raging.

The air is crisp. The sun is shining. God's glory is pouring. The trees are blooming. The grass is green. The moutains are majestic. The flowers are precious. The people are passing.

Some people: A dark day. Some: A beautiful day.

Mine: Caught in between. My heart bouncing to and fro. Warfare is raging. My soul is longing. I am crying. I am loving. I am enjoying. I am disturbed. I am lifted. I am drug down. I am crying out for my God. My dad. My friend. My love. I am crying out for my God. My dad. My friend, my love. My friend, my love. My love. Love.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast. It is not self seeking.

Love gives. Love does not take.

God loves. God refreshes.

You oh God are my strength. I am strong. You oh God are my strength. I cannot fail. You oh God are mine. I am yours.

It is a thorn in the flesh. Or is it a limp from my hip? What is the pain that fights my soul. What is the enemy that hinders?

My God wins. The enemy has been defeated. Death couldn't hold him down. We are victorious. We are given peace. My peace is from God. It transcends all understanding.

My heart is resting. I need a miracle. I don't need a miracle. I need to fight. I need to stand. I am given strength. I don't stand alone.

I want a miracle. God wants my heart. My undivided heart. I must undivide it.

God wants my focus. I must focus. I must charge.

God draw me in closer to you. Draw me into your presence. You are good. All I need is you Lord. It's you Lord. All I need is you. You hold the universe. You hold my heart. You love my heart. I give you my heart. My heart is a sanctuary for your love. Sanctify it. Bless my heart God. Dad. Friend. Pave my path God. Dad. Friend.

-Kendall

-Kendall

An introduction

2008-04-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to a couple of my friends:
Wes and Blue Feather.

Wes has studied God's word diligently for years. Years spent in prison.
He knows Jesus' love and he knows Jesus is coming back.
Wes lives a life chasing after God.

He has a drinking problem. He will tell you that up front. He is trying to quit alcohol, weed, and cigarettes so that he can treat the temple of God better. He is quite the evangelist and also has the spiritual gift of profecy. We met over burgers in downtown Redding.

Blue Feather is from the indian tribe of Cri. He is an amazing musician. He spent years of his life touring with a band playing jazz harmonica. He also plays guitar, bass, Indian flute, and rythym instruments.

Blue Feather drank vodca the entire time that we were hanging out. Which is really cool. Because he replaced crystal meth (an addiction of 20 years) with alcohol. He's working on weening off.

He camps out toward wiskey town and has a nine man tent. He collects bottles and cans every day to get money for food. He never spends money on alcohol. His friends just share. He has amazing friends. Wes offered him a place to stay over the next week or so because he has a motel right now. Wes also began to tell Blue Feather about Jesus.

It happened over burgers.

I saw Jesus over burgers in downtown Redding.

Kendall

A tired tire

2008-04-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

Today I was eating at the park.
A tire was in the river. It was attached to an axle.

She said "Is that a rock or a tire in the water?"
It was a tire... i already stated that...

I says "I wonder why they don't take it out"

She said "Why don't you?"

I says "Good point. I'll try."

So I rolled up my jeans, took off my shoes and socks and proceded to timidly enter the icy water. I waded over to the tire, bent down and couldn't budge the thing half an inch.

Zero movement.

But I'm glad I tried. That tire is ugly, and I'm sure plenty of people have walked by and wondered "why don't they take that tire out?".

But I tried. Action behind the words. A first step into my dreams.

Every idea starts somewhere. Every dream starts small. Every goal has prerequisites.

The tire didn't budge, but I threw my entire self into it. I tried.

Kendall

Hit the ground walking?

2008-04-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Seattle eight days ago.
I've got dreams. I've got friends with dreams.
I've got family. I've got Jesus.

But I get tired of things preventing a full out sprint for the kingdom of God.

Friends who don't want to move as fast as I do.
People that have very little passion to live out of.
Money.
Health insurance.
Job.
Car.
Family.
These things that are a part of daily life that can be so destructive to God's design.

They can be very constructive too, but I am tired of being in a culture so bent on things. My things are your things. If you are my brother or sister: how can I help?

Do you need a car to borrow for the weekend? I have one. Do you need a pound of coffee? I get one every week for free. Do you need some clothes to borrow. I can't wear em all today. Do you need to get some homework done? I'll lend you my laptop. Do you need help moving? I have time on Saturday mornings? Do you want to talk Jesus? I'll go to lunch. Or we can walk downtown together.

God has been growing in me a heart for downtown Redding. We are called to serve the poor and the homeless. The tired and the hungry. I want to live a life chasing after God that doesn't involve compromises. Sometimes it feels like we "trade" God this chunk of time, as long as "I get to watch American Idol" or as long as "you keep providing" or as long as "everything is peachy".

I mean that's what Jesus tells us right? Serve me "as long as everything in life is 'good'". Nope.

Anyways, I'd like to move in with a few guys and begin to live out of community, instead of living my life and joining in community on Sundays.

God doesn't call us to compromise. We are his. We are loved. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are Kings. We are Queens. We are blessed.

We are blessed.
We are blessings?
I want to be.

Kendall